Reading the Librarybliss.com

Click on image to enlarge.







I checked this site out to see if there are any library jokes to be amused with. And here they are:

"Patron: "I am looking for a globe of the earth."
Librarian: "We have a table-top model over here."
Patron: "No, that's not good enough. Don't you have a life-size?"
Librarian: (pause) "Yes, but it's in use right now."

A patron stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, "I have a complaint!"
"Yes?" "I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!"
"What was wrong with it?"
"It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!"
The librarian nodded and said.
"Ah. So you must be the person who took our phone book."

A blond walked into a library and said.
"Can I have a burger and fries?"
The librarian said. "Sorry, this is a library."
So the blond whispered. "Can I have a burger and fries?"

Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work.
The first one said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. Everything inside is numbered."
"I think librarians are the easiest, " said the second surgeon. "When you open them up all their organs are alphabetically ordered."
The third surgeon said, "I prefer to operate on electricians. All their organs are color coded."
The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their head and ass are interchangeable."

LIBRARY SILENCE LAWS:



Books will remain upright on the shelves until you go to place another book beside them.




Change libraries frequently. It allows you to place the blame on your predecessor for anything that is wrong.

If you made the system foolproof you discover that everybody has suddenly become geniuses.

No matter how long you keep an article or piece of information you will never need it till you throw it away.

You can be sure the student who has the most overdue books reads the least.

Students always require a 400 work article for a 500 word essay.

No matter how many books you have on a subject the student always thinks they're all "too big".

The volunteer aide who files the worst is the one who volunteers the most.

Every librarian should have a full-time aide. It allows you to put the blame on someone.

When you re-catalog a book to correct an error, you automatically create seven new problems.

The thinnest books have the longest catalog numbers.

You finally revise you card catalog after putting it off for a year only to discover a week later that a complete revision is coming out in a month.

QUOTES:

He who lends a book is an idiot. He who returns the book is more of an idiot.

Book lovers never go to bed alone.

Seventy million books in America's libraries, but the one you want to read is always out.

Book--what they make a movie out of for television.

Never lend books, for no one ever returns them; the only books I have in my library are books that other people have lent me. Anatole France

Borrowers of books--those mutilators of collections, spoilers of the symmetry of shelves, and creators of odd volumes. Charles Lamb