I spotted this writing from the Lonely Planet's travel book (2005) about Vietnamese names, specifically the women' s family names being changed after they got married. It was outrageously wrong. It's quite understandable that it was written from someone with a European's background and point of view, and hence a European's custom. But what is the point of traveling if you have already made up your own mind, and not bothering to find out about that country's culture and customs? Take it from me because I was born in Viet Nam, grew up there and I speak from a woman's real experience. (If you are going to buy a travel book, I recommend the Let's Go book. They are open-minded young people and have a Vietnamese on staff, and they also take the time to put accents on Vietnamese words.)
Traditionally, Vietnamese women have never change their family names after they got married. Let's take a famous Vietnamese woman warrior, Trung Trac, (the year A.D. 40) who married a man named Thi Sach. She and her sister, Trung Nhi became legendary goddeses for defeated the Chinese invaders, and the Vietnamese are still worshiping them today. Another infamous and notoriously known as a "Dragon Lady" was the First Lady of South Viet Nam in the 60s, Madam Nhu (wife of Ngo Dinh Nhu, a younger brother of Ngo Dinh Diem, President of South Viet Nam at the time). Her named was Tran Le Xuan, but people called her "Ba Nhu" (or Madam Nhu) to distinguish which of the brothers she married.
My mother's name was Nguyen T. Chi, and my father's name is Trinh V. Tuoc. My mother-in-law's name was Dang T. Chieu, and my father-in-law name was Doan V. Hoa. So you see, Vietnamese women never take the husband's family name after they married. My name is Trinh T. Nga, I'm married to Doan H. Hai. We gave our children both family names: Doan Trinh Anh Vu (our first born son), and Doan Trinh Hong Bao (our second born son) because "It Takes Two, Stupid!" (Nguyen is a very popular family name in Viet Nam, so if both husband and wife have the same family name it's purely coincidental.)
I don't know the history behind the custom of taking the husband's family name. Perhaps similar to the idea of slaves being given the masters' family names or cattle ranchers branding their animals to claim that such slaves or cattle belonged to them.
Finally, to all Vietnamese women who get married in the United States or elsewhere ( not in Viet Nam), don't abandon your own good custom and adopt the bad. We are not slaves or cattle and nobody can own us. I am married to my husband, but not his family, and I am definitely not his child. Why should I change my family's name at all?
